-The Salted Gods-

Iodized Prophet True-

I have gone before the Salted Gods
I have prayed for days on end and end
The Salted Gods have spoken and shown me the true way

I have rebuked Mrs. Dash and Johnny's Seasoning
For the greater pure Salten heaven that waits above
Even in my weakest hour I have not strayed to the Pepper Devils
But the Salted Gods have told me there are sinners everywhere
And it is my mission to praise Their Salten name
You doubt the love the Salted Gods can give
You question the pure relevance of Thier existence
But fear now peppery sinners,
One day you will feel the burn of endless pepper up your nose

Taste the Saltiness that lingers on
Revel in the majesty that is Salt and all that it flavors
There will come a day when you will cry out
When They come to earth to take We Salted believers away
You will look back in hope of being transformed into a salten pillar
But only We, the true Salty chosen believers will turn to stacks of mineral grains

Your popcorn will be flavorless to the end of days
Your pasta will be bland and unfulfilling like your life
Your eggs will remain chicken shit and bland
Unless you repent now, peppered sinners, and give the Salted Gods praise

The white gold of sodium
The crystal of life
The Salted Gods are the ones you must love
The flavor that gives meaning to existence and life!
Love the Salt and the Salted Gods
And be set free to eternal love and life

The Salted Gods have spoken to me
I am an iodized prophet true
Realize you need the spirit of Salt to survive
Or else all you life will be meaningless
The Salted Gods will guide you in your way
Give thanks to the Salted Gods
And Their grace of white crystalline salt will be poured down upon you
And forever in the heavenly mounds of white salt you shall live your days

Everybody makes mistakes.
What are you going to do?
I want to die with friends.

Oblivious.
I'm afraid of everyone I know.
Paranoia.
It's not okay.