How Awful Have I Become-

I talked to someone I haven't for a long time
It was a shock
Someone I used to miss every day

I had tried to forget
I had tried to just give it up
I'm not so much the type of guy
Who keeps in touch
(...even with reality)

I'm the sort of guy
Who thinks I've been forgotten
That it's useless to try after awhile

And I don't know what to think
It forced me to realize that I miss her
To realize that I miss some of my past
This past I purged from my concious mind

But I don't know if it's superficial
It's been so long since I truly thought about it
And I feel bad because of that

How awful have I become
That I can just make myself pretend
That nothing ever happened

And sometimes others never have a clue
Of why I do what I do
And either do I
It makes me question myself for a second time

I've lost contact
Is it worth it to reestablish the connection
With everyone I've ever left behind
Do they even care?

It's hard to understand
Because I may have forgotten them
But how can I know they haven't forgotten me

How awful am I?