It's nice when you can go outside at night and hear the silence. As the clouds drift ever so slowly overhead. The city lights miles off light up the night with a dim orange glow, just barely reaching to the sky. Its so peaceful, so serene. Ignoring the fact that I have to get up the next day to something so opposite and constantly obscene. For the five minutes I sat outside, I wished I would never have to leave. To never go back inside, to never do a thing. Just rest in the midnight air, knowing the stars are somewhere above, and hoping that the next morning will never come. And then I go to sleep.

Property of the U.S.- by: unknown forgotten

He's got his laces tied
He's got his papers signed
He wants to shoot a gun

He's got his figures right
He selling his life
He thinks he loves america

He's riding the boat to war
Protecting what he doesn't even know
Becoming a soldier just because

He's been trained in what to do
Brainwashed from head to toe
But no reason to live for

He'll fight against a formidable foe
He'll kill another man with no remorse
He only does what he's told

He doesn't know why

He'll see the enemy face to face
He'll realize this is something he can't take
And live in pain and stress

He deosn't know why
And he'll never realize

It's 3:25am. And I'm sitting in my homestead. The music is playing softly, the ligths are low. There's a brick wall in front of me, it's painted white from ceiling to floor. And I'm wondering what just happend in the day that passed. My mind shutters, searches, and does not come back. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, that keeps me from completely understanding. But it moves on without relapsing. The music swells ever so gently, across the room. The light hangs weakly on the furniture below. The brick wall seems less and less there. And I'm wondering what will happen in the days to come. And then I go to sleep.

Memoirs of a Demon MF_ by: unknown forgotten

I was born in the vain of misery
And I never had me a name
My heart pumps a spirit of evil
That was forged in me at the age of 16

I used to be a good boy, so nice, so kind
But life didn't work out that way for me
Sold my soul to the Devil for pleasure
Cashed in my cards to control my own destiny
And as time moves forwards I'm all alone
My boundaries are cut in the shape of a pentagram

I watch the people move, not live
So ignorant of what is out there
And I'm just waiting for the day for the shitfire to fall
And devour all of our souls

The black air, that’s scuffled up from the dirt
Is the only air that I breathe
And to part the cloud that surrounds myself
Would be to take my own life

I was born into a world of misery
And I never had me a name
My heart pumps the blood of evil
That was forged in me at the age of 16

I need to live more than I sleep. I need to live faster than I die. I need to be faster than ash.

.

Things begin to fade away from existence. People fade, words fade, colors fade, love fades, memories fade, the world will also fade away someday....



I'm fading.




.

Sedated Thoughts At A Glance- by: unknown forgotten

The Murder City Devils rock everyon'es shit
I'm tired
Mopeds rule
Mopeds are relaxing
My back hurts
This time things are actually going right
I miss alot of people
Some I haven't seen for months
Others it's been a matter of weeks
Jesse didn't buy me waffles tonight at 2:15am after he said he would
It's cold in my room
Now Blonde Redhead is rocking my shit
I heart Becky, I miss Becky alot
I feel like a ghost

My ghost likes to travel
So far into your world

There is something sad
Beneath all of myself
But I tried to forget it
And now I can't remember what it was

This last week is forgotten
Every second of it was a blur
My subconcious is working against me
There should be a reason my mind isn't troubled
I should not be so happy and easy going
Maybe its probably a good thing
But if i don't remember what's wrong
Then it will kill me in the end

I'm not sure
But I think
That there truly is nothing wrong

Has it been so long that I can not remember how it feels
I sure fucking hope so

Since the absence of people in the house, and an old skate board sitting in the room, I have decided to start skateboarding. Ah, do not make your prejudgements yet. It is an old skateboard, 9.5in wide, 30in long. And I am only allowing myself to 'practice' (and strictly) 'old school' tricks. In the kitchen, approximatley 4 feet wide ( because of a large standup bass) i can now efficiently complete a Bertlmen slide. 'Tis where you ride really low, almost sitting on the ground, place one hand on the ground, keeping your feet on the board- cause it to slide around making a 180 degree turn. I can also do a Frontside Boneless, and a very large sum of End-overs. Yes, I am a dork, yes, I am bored, yes, I have way too much time on my hands.... For the record, I have never skateboarded before, ever, besides simply rolling on a board.

I am a pacifist-inactivist. Do not fuck with me.

This Guy_ by: unknown forgotten

A guy came up to the door tonight
With a big knife in has hand
He said he wanted in
I would not let him

He glared at me with an evil eye
I stared back through the window
He said he wanted to stab me to death
I did not let him in

He pulled a hammer out of his bag
And said how about now
I told him it made no difference
He told me to let him in

He stood outside my house all night
I watched TV on the couch
He walked around to check all the doors
I had made sure they were locked

He could have broken a window
But he did not want to make a mess
He said he only wanted to kill me
I said only Im allowed to do that

I am seriously losing my mind right now. Its a combination of isolation, boredom, school, and absolutely nothing. I just watched Momento and it too is fucking with my mind. What time is? it's 10:23pm, but it feels like 3 in the afternoon. And every hour has felt like an entire day. The world will soon be fast asleep and I won't be tired for another 4 or 5 hours. There is absolutely nothing to do. I don't know what to do with myself....

I Know This Isn't Real_ by: Unknown Forgotten

I woke up and it was dark outside
Night had fallen before the day
The sun was gone
Is this a dream?
Then the clouds parted
The sun displayed it's light for a moment
And it vanished before my eyes
It was still night
As the clocks displayed
Everyone was gone
The air was cold and frozen
My body felt weightless on the world
My mind was uncontrollable
Scattering its thoughts at rapid speeds
I sat for hours
With nothing changing
It could have been days
How long was I aleep?
How much time had gone by since I was last alive?
This couldn't be real
This must be a dream
But I could feel everything
It was night time
The skies were dark
But I just awoke
I tell myself this isn't real
But I know it is
How did this happen?
How long have I been asleep?
When was I last awake?!

It was a horrible day. I was tired, grumpy. Other things went wrong. Then I escaped it all. For two hours I rode the moped around Seattle. I went thorugh Fremont, downtown, up to Eastlake, down around the edge of lake washington, and back through Fremont, and then home. No destination, no worries. The sun came out, the air was cool, the traffic was light. I just flowed along, watching the scenery. Seattle really is a beautiful town. It was exactly what I needed. There's nothing better. I need to do that more often.

Ech! Worst coffee ever! But I need it sooooo bad....

I slept for three hours. Now it's so damn early, and im a eating bread 'ends' & peanut butter sandwich with gross coffe. And I'm supposed to live off of it for the next 7 hours. And I get to ride my moped to school today and it's COLD outside!

Schizoid- by:Unknown Forgotten

Last time I saw him
He was drowning in the lake
Last time I was him
I was gasping for life

His arms flailed about violently
He swallowed water with every breathe
I sat in the shade
Of an old oak tree

The water was cold
The lake was deep
The sun was warm
The breeze was soothing

He cried out for help
He tried to sustain his life
I watched him calmly
I dozed off, took a nap

He died in the lake that day
His body was never found
I slept there forever
and was drudged out of the lake

The last time I was him
I was gasping for life
The last time I saw him
He was drowning in the lake

what was the Black Heart Light beats no more. The black heart is dead. It was inevitable.

Upon infiltration of a restricted user who had accessed the database known as 'The Black Heart Light' without permission, all evidence was destroyed or altered to assume anonymity.

It was only The Inevitable. This has become what that was.

Well, the house is empty for the next 6 weeks. The Prom (Kevin and Justin) is gone on tour. Just me, and Justin's girlfirend Melissa. And Kory, but he is never here. The house is clean for once, and the house is silent. and it's almost midnight. I am at my desk, and there is a brick wall in front of me.

Why am I still awake?

The Unconquered Wolf- by: the damned

Writhe from the middle
Devour the insides
Destroy everything
Corrupt your mind

I reach into my black heart
And what do I find?
A terrible misfortune
That I am part of mankind

Burning the fields
Shooting at the crows
My back turned
From the wolves crouching low

The unconquered wolf!
His teeth gnarl as he growls
Summoned straight from hell
To kill me and devour my soul

Upon my corpse he stands proud
Bearing the sword of justice in his jaw
Severing the collar of slavery about his neck
Crushing the crown of monarchy with his paw

I writhe from the middle
My insides devoured
I am destroyed
I am of free mind

The wolf peers into my black heart
And what does he find?
The evil he tasted
Was of his same kind

Fuck valentines day.

Goodnight cruel world...

I haven't been able to write
There is an absence of purpose
A lack of thoughts and words
There is a brick wall in front of me
I can think of nothing to say
I hate it when this happens
So I'll keep waiting
And hope I can once again
Write this worthless stuff that nobody sees

nothing has changed. nothing is new. everything is the exactly the same. every day is like the rest.

or things are changing so slowly that i can't notice.

I have an ever present feeling of discomfort and unsatisfaction.

Well sonofabitch, the mohawk has got to go. Need a job. Jobs suck, mohawks rule. Either tonight or tomorrow it's saying its last goodbyes. But im staying optimistic. It WILL be back. Bastard ass society and their lame fucking standards for deceny. Its just a haircut. But no, its deemed unsuitable because its 'different.' Fuucckk!!!!!! Hot damn, I'm going to miss it.

I got my first tattoo today! It rules. That's about it.

As bad and extreme as a I portray things, they are not...


blindspot- by:brandtson
its hard to see the sun sometimes through these eyes
its hard to see the truth sometimes looking through these eyes
but yet i try
windowsill world of mine
maybe sometime ill get up and go outside
leap of faith i could close my eyes and jump
the hope of someday is safer and it doesn't hurt as much
i stand at the edge of the world and i cry
the rain beating down on my face as i try to swallow my fear of failing again
and wait for the clouds to break for the sun
do you remember the time when you said you could see the worry in my eyes
you don't know how hard ive tried to let it go
let it go
let it all subside
things seem so different when i look into your eyes
it all seems so simple when i look in from the outside
everything seems fine
you know me better than i know myself
and i trust you more than i trust anyone else
but promises broken are promises made
and at least from what ive seen it all fades away

When things break my structure of reality, and disturb my entire existence, it is the worst thing I can imagine. It destroys who I am, and all I have worked for. It obliterates the world in which I live, in which I am. It breaks me...

I am broken.

Everything falls apart. Hopefully something will come back together.
Life gets destrtoyed. And it remians.
Die and rot in the dirt.
Fade away forever.

This Is Us-

with that darkness and desolation
and the endless depression
but I am helpless
and I am helpless
try to beat it
and live through space's loneliness
I am helpless
help me try to beat it

with that darkness and desolation
and the endless depression
but you are not helpless
and you are not helpless
try to beat it
and live through space's loneliness
you are not helpless
I'll help you to try to beat it

I always get everything that I deserve
And my actions
Come backaround at me
Wiht full force
And everything that I deserve

Somehow I end up basing my actions on some unprecedented idea several days before they are to take action. Maybe this helps explain my confusion.

(So Un)Necessary- by: the damned

Dark
Flow
Then the light
River
Toxin
Glass
Pull
Succumb
Live

I Never Write Back....- by: the damned

But my niavety and my ignorance, seperate me from the rest
And my idiocy and my inability,. keep me from reaching the best
In the middle I get lost
I drown out the noise
And think of things i miss from the past
People i wish were by my side
People I wish i was holding near
And they drew nearer
I don't think they hear me
I don't believe they know my heart
And its incompatability to be
And even worse
It's downfall
Unable to express my feelings

Every chance i get i blow to hell.....................

Tonight, tonight there was 16 mopeds at Moped Monday. It was so fun. Simply radical.

I've now been awake for 26 hours... and I'm going to sleep now. Maybe...

I haven't slept all night. I was up talking with a friends. I've never felt more alive. I don't need sleep. I don't need food. These things sutstain life, yes, but are not necessary to fuel the soul. I am so alive, but yet, in awhile I will be the walking dead... it's 7:55 am, i've been up since noon saturday.

I am a fucking machine... my purpose, I don't know, but I continue on....

I'm really damn sure anyone can equally easily fuck me over...


anti-antisocial

I can disintegrate into the thin if you'd like
(... but it will destroy me....)

But why the hell should YOU care?

Is it true?

After i tear my soul open
After I rip my heart to pieces
Only trying to explain the circumstances
Just trying to show people who i am
My heart burns
Like i never wanted
And I wish I was somebody
I wish anybody cared
But the days go on
And I'm ultimately alone
People I know
I see them live on
But I walk alone
in the dark and shadows
In the unnoticed manner
No one knows me
No one cares
No one
I'm an irrelevant spirit
If i was gone forever no one would notice
If i vanished
Nothing would change
I want to belive that I am not forgotten
I can't even grasp it....



----------------------

What the fuck?
What am I doing
Does it matter the least bit
Does anything I do ever count?
Is there no hope?
Am I insane?
Or am I full of shit?
Is everything i think wrong?
I can't tell the difference between reality and my thoughts
I only know what I see and feel
And for the most part it's bad

Is there anybody out there?
IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?
IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?

If there is,
Please tell me...
Please let me know...

I'm drinkin' coca cola (....with other things)


Tiny Cities Made Of Ashes- by: Modest Mouse

Wer'e goin down the road towards tiny cities made of ashes
Gonna hit you on your face gonna punch you in you glasses. Oh no
I just got a message that said "Yeah hell is freezin over"
I got a phone call form the Lord sayin "Hey boy git a sweater. Right now"
So we're drinkin drinkin drinkin coca-coca-cola
I can feel it rollin right on down
Oh right on down my throat
And as were headed down the road towards tiny cities made of ashes
I'm gonna get dressed up in plastic gonaa shake hands with the masses. Oh no!
Does anybody know a way that a body could get away
Does anybody know a way
Were goin down the road towards tiny cities mad of ashes
Im gonna hit you on the face I'm gonna punch you in your glasses. Oh no.
I'm wearing myself a t-shirt that says "The world is my ashtray"
Our hearts pump dust and our hairs all grey
And i just got a message sayin that hell has frozen over
Got a phone call from the Lord sayin "Hey boy git a sweater. Right now!"
Does anybody know a way that a body could get away
Does anybody know a way
Were drinkin drinkin coca-coca-cola
I can feel it rollin right on down oh right on down my thraot
And as we're headed down the road towards tiny cityu made of ashes
I'm gonna lay down in the spa where they coat you with molasses
Oh no
Does anybody know a way that a body could get away
Does anybody know a way

(Don't) Run Like Hell- by: the damned

They chased him through the country side
They chased him from his home
They followed him across the states
The chased him around the world

When they captured him
They chased inside his mind
They hunted his thoughts
To see if he was sane

They herded him in chains
They forced him to live in a cage
They broke his spirits
They let him rot alone

They chased him until he was old and gray
They watched him until he noticed them no more
They pardoned him on his death bed
They freed him when he was dead

I attended The Prom, Dear Darling, and Damien Jurado concert tonight (only because I ws on the guest list, fucking $12 otherwise.) And I became extremely claustrophobic. It was a packed house and in the midst of all the people I almost lost it. I had to stand outside for awhile just to regain my bearing. It's the first time I've ever felt like that. Kind of scared me. my chest tightened up, and my head spun. Sometimes I feel the most alone in a crowded room.

Tonight I am dying in a crowded room....

How Awful Have I Become-

I talked to someone I haven't for a long time
It was a shock
Someone I used to miss every day

I had tried to forget
I had tried to just give it up
I'm not so much the type of guy
Who keeps in touch
(...even with reality)

I'm the sort of guy
Who thinks I've been forgotten
That it's useless to try after awhile

And I don't know what to think
It forced me to realize that I miss her
To realize that I miss some of my past
This past I purged from my concious mind

But I don't know if it's superficial
It's been so long since I truly thought about it
And I feel bad because of that

How awful have I become
That I can just make myself pretend
That nothing ever happened

And sometimes others never have a clue
Of why I do what I do
And either do I
It makes me question myself for a second time

I've lost contact
Is it worth it to reestablish the connection
With everyone I've ever left behind
Do they even care?

It's hard to understand
Because I may have forgotten them
But how can I know they haven't forgotten me

How awful am I?